Friday, October 23, 2009

Another Story of Kindness

When I first realized how sick I was with the flu, I went to the ED for help at 4 a.m., and they kicked me out of school for a week. Good for everyone, I know. But, it meant I couldn't make the test that afternoon, so I emailed my instructor the details of what happened and asked what to do. He said, " This is what you normally need to do, but, don't worry, I've taken care of it for you. You just need to get better. Let us know how things go. Wishing you well!"

And, you know, I did feel better. That was a relief. I had no idea how I could make up a lab exam having 50 structures to identify and that were tagged on the same cadavers that students used every day. A weight had been lifted.

I sent back a status update the next day and advised that my fevers were increasing. He sent back a note jauntily claiming that my quarantine status was a terrific idea and encouraged me that the timing for the illness was perfect in that this was the easiest block for getting caught up. He told me to take care. – I hadn’t realized the block was the easiest. But it really was. The illness was becoming less perilous by the day.

I sent back a note the next day thanking him for the encouragement and letting him know I hoped to be ready to go when they let me back into class. – He replied to let me know that he would allow other options that would permit me to take the test at a relaxed pace and/or at a later date as the illness allowed. He said I could decide when I felt better and to let him know if I was interested in that option. Above all: Try to feel better!

And, so I did feel better. I had options. I was trusted. He believed I was sick and wasn’t a con artist. He believed I was doing my very best, and he wanted the very best from me. He was going to help me do that with every tool at his disposal. Wow. Out of 160 students in that class, he took the time to make sure this one had what he needed. Impressive.

So, the following Monday rolled around. That was the first day anyone was willing to let me come near them. Can’t say I blame them. I was still sick with something. I went in to take the written make-up test. It was handed to me at arm’s length, and the staff was quite gracious as they set up the room for me and started the slides. I finished the test with a minute or two to spare, pages swimming in front of my eyes. At least it was over.

I went into the office, and who was there but our instructor. I had never seen him in there before. He greeted me with a big smile and seemed genuinely glad to see me there. He wished me luck and took the test from me for grading (electronic scan).

I was checking email later that night and up popped an email from the instructor. Apparently, he had graded the test within an hour or so and was congratulating me on an excellent score. I was incredulous. Normally, it took two days for us to get our scores. Then... I get congratulations! – I had no worries about how I did and a boost to keep me going.

And, that’s not all. The next day, he dropped by our lab table to tell my labmates how glad he was to see me back in class on Monday. He gave a robust fist pump and a big grin. He was rooting for me.

Right about then, something clicked. My brain kept telling me to re-evaluate what was happening. I realized something special was occurring. This was no ordinary person and no ordinary act of kindness. This was a person who actively sought out the cause of someone’s pain and worked diligently to cultivate a cure. He was persistent and careful as he tested his remedies. He would not give up until he was certain I had been restored to health.

I realized this was a guy who cared deeply about every single person in our class and who was completed invested in our success. We mattered to him. We really mattered. He truly cared that we learn and that we take away every lesson possible from the experience.

Indeed, he took the time and made a significant effort to create a place that allowed me to heal. He helped me get better. He’s not an M.D. But he’s a healer. He’s the one guy on staff who performed flawlessly during my illness. Without hesitation, I tell you it’s an honor to sit at his feet and learn the healing art of medicine.

Thanks, Dr. Ciment. We’re damn lucky to have you as an instructor.

Something Different

Here's a poem I wrote the other day.

Healer

I hurt so much
And fear so deeply
That I am all undone

When she arrives in pain
At the very least
Do not harm her further

When she brings the shattered pieces of her life
In her hands
Do not jostle her
Or squeeze her hands so tightly
That you cut them
As the jagged pieces
Dig into her flesh

Choose differently

Ask her to place the pieces
On the table between you
And seek to discover
The source of her pain
And the healing that need be done and
Create
The place where healing can occur

Allow the science to work its magic
As you pour yourself over the broken pieces
Causing peace and love
To flow over the shards
Of her cup
And allow them to mend
So she might fill her cup
Once again

Classy Class

While I was out of class and in such a pitiful state, I was able to observe some behaviors that I normally wouldn’t have. Thought they were worthy of recording here.

I confess I was beginning to think our class was just a group of above average folks who seemed well-suited enough for medicine. Nothing about them that truly stood out and really caught my attention until now. But, my glasses were a bit smudged, it seems... Turns out that there are some folks in our class who have an amazing capacity for compassion. They effortlessly embody joyful sacrifice.

As soon as they heard I was sick, they began to extend assistance and wishes of a speedy recovery. All entirely unsolicited. Katie offered to take her own time to go over class notes that I missed and try to explain material to me - which she did. Freddie offered to record class lectures that I would be forced to miss – which he then posted online for me to listen to at my leisure. Sarah offered to get me up to speed on abdomen exam procedures and Thu offered homemade chicken soup. Over and over, folks inquired about my health and expressed their relief at seeing me back. They told me how glad they were that I was feeling better.

I’m sure there are many others who would have acted in a similar fashion, but who simply didn’t feel they knew me well enough to approach me. Possibly they were persons whose paths I didn’t cross. Possibly they did extend some kindness or good words, but I was unaware as I ambled about in a fog.

The selection committees who allowed these folks to assemble here seem remarkably capable to me. I can’t help but think that these students are undeniably the raw material for a group of future doctors. Not just doctors. Great doctors. My faith in them has been restored if it ever faltered. They are much more than bright. They have something much more valuable than intelligence.

They have heart.

One of my personal sayings is: “We will all do what we each will do”. Go ahead and Google it if you want. I made it up myself… To the point, I think these folks will do the absolute best they can. And together they will do something utterly amazing. Makes me a little giddy just guessing what it might be.

To the good people of the OHSU School of Medicine Class of 2013: Thank you.

Splendidly done.

Don’t Get Sick

Been a couple of weeks since I’ve been here.

Went in to the clinic the Monday after the last entry. Turns out I have pneumonia. They gave me a second antibiotic. Finished both last Sunday. Worked okay, but I’ve still been coughing up crap every 10 or 20 minutes as of today, can’t breathe, have night sweats and feel exhausted after eight and a half hours of sleep. I nap a couple three hours in the afternoons I have off. They say I have to wait it out. Could be another week.

I’m getting better though. Have more energy. Have my wits about me for the most part. Been three long weeks. Glad to be getting better. Hope to get into the gym again next week.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

How It All Turned Out

Not well, actually. Seems I picked up a secondary bacterial infection after recovering from the flu. Something nasty that crawled into my lungs and took hold with a vengeance. Am taking the big Augmentin to try to kill it with some speed. Have just been beat to pieces over the last eight days. Will be very glad to be feeling better. It will be at least a week until I have recovered from these back to back illnesses. Will be quite tired for awhile and will have to just do the best I can until I return to 100%.

After two days of the antibiotic I think I am finally seeing a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. The problem is that material is given to us to learn at a very rapid rate and in volumes, so, when unable to study and absorb the new material, one can easily fall behind. Am feeling as though the bacterial infection is on the run and am able to look at material and have it make sense. Quite a relief. Wasn't able to schedule my make-up exam until after I was allowed to come back to class. Was quarantined from patient contact, class attendance and any contact with staff until the end of the one-week waiting period.

It has been an interesting experience in patience, humility and maintaining a big picture perspective. I am reminded once again that pain is a humbler. When I see people in pain I need to find ways to assess their condition accurately and ease their pain, so their lives can come back into focus. Intense pain steals every awareness we have access to. Our reality only contains the color of the pain. Every idea is distorted and every hope is dashed. Don’t forget, Paul.

Lots to catch up. Need to get to it.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Life Happens

Picked up the flu last Friday. Worst I can recall. Fevers close to 103 would jump up within hours after going to bed and stopping the ibuprofen. Today is the third day. We had a big test for block 2. I wasn't there. I'm glad I didn't have to take it while I was this sick. Wasn't able to study all weekend either. Will take a make-up exam in a couple of days. All I want to do is sleep. Whatever kind of flu this is, it really beats you up. Sweet dreams.