Friday, April 9, 2010

B+

Yesterday, I sent out a letter to friends and family updating them on the break from med school. The process itself and the kind, supportive feedback I received compelled me to consider the positive effects of the decision to take a break. So... in an effort to retain honesty and transparency in this exercise, I have made some notes and added them here.

1. Better, continued relationship with Hillary – At some point in the journey we have to realize that our lives are almost always a “we” and rarely an “I”. Every choice we make is always our own, and we are solely responsible for all of them, but they almost always effect the people around us. Indeed, we do all live together and are waves washing over one another every day. Even decisions that seem insignificant are usually not. Think: ‘habit’ or the effect of wind and water on the landscape. We unfailingly become what we choose... Too, people that we appear to be insulated from are usually closer than we are perceiving. Think: ‘degrees of separation’. - Choosing relationship allows us to confront the most important challenges of life and to put the “why” of life into perspective. It also provides the greatest joy and most profound satisfaction. Do forgive my selfishness.

2. Finish Hillary’s program – This, of course, is a critical priority. My job is to see her through to the end of it. Only when she has successfully done so will that piece will be over. Time being the limited resource it is, this experience is what we can share right now. It will be a win for us both.

3. Chance to study ahead – For an old guy with less capacity and slowing, rusty neurons, this is a very useful thing. Nice to be able to choose the pace, as well.

4. Rest and relaxation – See “old guy” above. I was getting pretty tired.

5. Work on the book – I have pulled the book out and looked at it. As a project, it seems like too much of an uphill climb right now, but as I write here, I am effectively adding to it. It’ll be good enough if I never get to it again, but the opportunity exists now to chew on it if desired.

6. Chance to exercise and improve my health – Again, see “old guy” above. Metabolic milestones are inevitable. Working out again feels wonderful. - If someone tells you that you can be ‘balanced’ in med school, don’t believe them. Your physical health is one of the first things to receive short shrift. You know how important it is, but you end up sacrificing one thing for another. The pressure is on to perform, and youth provides an advantage.

7. Specialty focus – This has actually been a true, unexpected windfall. I had been thinking I would head toward anesthesia, but had also had the thought of a rural practice in mind. In examining myself sans school clutter, I am seriously considering the rural option. There are many pluses, and it feels like a much better fit for me. Suits my personality, temperament and lifestyle. This will give me a chance to research it more and then try it on when I return.

8. Opportunity for centering – We all have a reason for being, and this has given me a chance to stop and listen to the still, small voice that reminds me why I am here. If you don’t have a reason for being, I think you should stop what you are doing and get one… just my opinion.

9. Maintenance – have had a chance to tend to some needed repairs that had fallen by the wayside. Reminds me of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Those points still hold true. Life has sides. We choose how to approach them and embrace them. Life is what we make it. Thanks, Robert.