Busy Week

Feels better to be feeling better.  This last illness was a doozy. Took the last of the antibiotic yesterday but am still blowing my nose and dragging stuff out of the lungs as though the vestiges of a viral infection are finally being conquered, too.  Good riddance.

Finished the make-up final and a PCM exam just fine.  Didn’t do as well as desired, but it will just have to be okay.  :0)  Can’t be at the top of your game every time.  Grades are  a great rough marker, I think.  Motivation and capacity are fairly well reflected in them.  Hopefully, we use them in a more personal way in order to guide ourselves down our own path rather than fearing how others may guide us down a path that they control.  Although there is an established framework here, we still have a great deal of room to choose and grow as we become something new.

Will do lots of reading this weekend and try to get caught up.  Lots of good stuff to learn.  Will squeeze in a run or two if I can...  :0)

Distraction

Have been sick the last week and a half.  One of the bad ones where you really can't get much done and there are a few days where you really don't function well at all.  Kept running into things, and words were turned around.  Hopefully, I didn't hurt anyone's feelings by saying something inappropriately.  Some days I wonder if this old immune system is cut out for this kind of work.... - My days have been marked by the pills I am taking.  Decided I had better write down the times I was taking them because I would be convinced I had taken one, and the paper said I had not.  I would count the pills in the bottle, and the paper was consistently correct.  Am starting to feel normal again today. 

Good thing, too, because I have to take a make-up final tomorrow.  Was unable to take it on Friday.  Was able to study some yesterday and will do my best today to go over the material.  Will be all of the material since school started.  Close to 1500 pages worth of syllabus.  How will I go over it in one day?  Who knows.  Why am I writing here instead of studying?  Distraction.  Avoidance.  It's something real I can share.  Lots of reasons, I suppose.  Will do what I can.

Have been lacking motivation lately.  Maybe just the illness.  Seems to have been going on for awhile, though.  Seems to be related to a sense of isolation here.  Am just very different from my classmates and never feel connected to the process here.  Never feel truly accepted.  Only nominally.  I know it's not their fault.  How can you connect with something you can't have possibly experienced?  Being the oldest out of 500 people isn't an easy thing to be.  Being the only anything is hard, I would guess.  I have always wanted to do something for orphans.  Maybe this will help me understand better how they feel.  Maybe.  Even the silver lining isn't very shiny today.  I have other things to write, but will not.  Back to the syllabus.

Why Run?

Seem to have gotten most of the details for the run and the VA walk finished up.  Have been terrifically supported by the folks over at the Dean’s office and the Foundation.  Hats off to Kathleen, Rob, Crystal, Sarah and Russ (and anyone else I’ve forgotten…).   The website is done, and you can find it at http://www.wix.com/psreynolds/fifty-year-run .  Was fun building it and hopefully it will generate solid interest and cause folks to put some money into a worthwhile effort (plus it’s double Green Stamps day with the matching donations by Dr Breall!) Okay, some of you may not know what Green Stamps are… Yes, I’m old… :0) Read about them here.  Some days you could get twice as many for your purchases.  We shopped those days when I was a kid…

Hopefully, this whole running around idea seems like a good one to most of you.  If it doesn’t, maybe I can explain better why I’m doing it.  I suppose first of all because I can.  I’m fortunate enough to still be able to do this sort of thing and am becoming more acutely aware that the physical is the first to go.  As I’ve said in previous posts, ‘use it or lose it’ certainly applies and maybe I’ll even get a little more mileage out of the machinery if I just keep it oiled.  Secondly, and most importantly, I think it’s a fairly obvious thing that we don’t take anything material with us at the end of this life.  If we are willing to assign ourselves personal purposes in life, I think it will have nothing at all to do with our ability to amass personal piles of stuff.  Rather, it will be the ways that we were able to give ourselves away and the extent to which we could do that which will have added meaning to our existence and be a large part of the reason for our appearance here between our births and our deaths.  I suppose it’s hard to know how we might do that best, but maybe if we can take stock of our talents and gifts and hone them with all we can muster, it will be all it needs to be.  Sharing our finest parts so that they do the most good makes us all richer in the end. 

I was lucky enough to have parents with a similar worldview.  (That was supposed to make you grin…)  They were people who saw good deeds precipitated by good hearts and looked for ways to encourage more of the same.   They took us kids around to various volunteer activities, so we could see what our hands and intent might accomplish.  Mom said once, “We may not have much money, but we can always give our time.”  And, although they preferred to demonstrate love rather than talk about it, I’ve come to realize that the way we love and the amount we love is the best reflection of what we are.  I confess that I wish I could do it better.   But, I think if we can let that love and caring sneak out of ourselves whenever we can and however we are willing, we will impact our families, friends, neighbors, communities, countries and world in a powerful way.  Hopefully, I’m right.  And, in the process, we’ll get a little exercise.

Hope to see you all out for the run.  Please add to the scholarship fund if you are able.  Thanks.

Latest stuff

Busy just happens.  Finished the third test this year.  Did better than I thought I would.  It's odd to go into these tests feeling so unsure of how well I know the material.  We just cover such a great deal of information.  So, here's a heads up to future students:  Assimilating vast portions of the knowledge base is an unavoidable part of the rite of passage.  All med schools need to present the material, and we then must engage it with vigor.  And, although it seems impossible at the time, the vast majority of us seem to be able to do it.  Do try to remain focused and motivated.  Find your groove.  Gather this knowledge like a harvest in summer.  Consider it food for a good life.  It will be part of your training to learn how to learn well.  It will need to be a mastered skill you use as a doctor.

Been planning the birthday run and the VA walk again this year.  Have some help from the Dean's office this time.  Will build a web site for the run.  Hope to raise a little scholarship money for the school.   Will be fun and will try to do a good deed at the same time.   Hopefully the legs will hold out...  :0)

Almost completely settled into the new place. Just a couple more small tasks to finish up and will call it home, I think.  It really has made a difference in reducing distraction and allowing me a sense of peace.  Has been a great change.  Am very thankful for this new space to be.

Want to look over the new syllabus before bed and get a bite to eat.  Maybe can add a few thoughts when I have more time.