It seems to me that one of the defining continuums upon which we reside is the one in which we either live to consume or live to commune. The former defines a person who devotes energy to survival and to taking any good or service deemed to have value in creating a better moment or in adding comfort or in increasing the likelihood of another day. They are existential in that they must choose what they do with themselves, and they have chosen their own needs over the needs of others. Any connection to others is only to further personal ends. The latter, in contrast, devotes energy to connecting with something outside of themselves. They are primarily concerned with developing relationships and considering a possible existence beyond the tangible, measurable, or perceivable. They are not dreamers in that they still attempt to sort out the how and the why of their connections, but they are convinced that these relationships and something beyond themselves must be of more import than they are as individuals.
We all, of course, live somewhere along the line. We all must take, and we all must consume to survive in this place, or relationships will never happen and any greater purpose will never be fulfilled. However, I am absolutely convinced we must all lift our eyes from the sweater we are knitting and climb Maslow’s hierarchy as soon as we are aware of our presence on the pyramid. We must find context and choose to allow our essential core to connect with the common source of our existence. We may do this by degrees, I think. First, as we meet others and come to realize we are all made of the same stuff. Then, as we pursue the origin of the stuff. Eventually, we realize that either we are accidental and that any pursuit was fruitless, or that we are not accidental, and we have no earthly idea as to why. Therein, I think, lies the beginning of wisdom.
My hope is that we all find our hearts. I hope we can connect, so we may be properly born into lives of purpose and, eventually, become wise. Not a bad goal. I'll keep trying.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Didn't break an ankle
So... I was traveling horizontally over the earth at several hundred miles an hour, and I bailed out of the plane. Nice plane, too. Within a few seconds I was traveling at a hundred miles an hour at roughly 90 degrees to initial trajectory. After feeling the adrenaline rush and wind screaming by in head-down orientation, I formed a hard arch, found the handle, and pulled hard. Chute opened. And, I began a controlled descent.
I had a terrific view as I guided the foil down to an LZ, flared nicely and seem to have landed back on campus. Nothing broken. Just need to get ready to get back in another plane. Same pilots, new team. Will be good to get to know them over the next few months. So far they seem like great people.
The last four months have been busy. Hillary finished her program with flying colors (4.0 GPA) and accepted a position as a K-12 principal in an idyllic town in the heartland of America near her two boys. All in all, it couldn't have turned out much better. We have said many prayers of thanks along the way.
We seem to be getting along better than we have in quite awhile and have established some new rules of living that will hopefully keep us more positive and constructive, more focused and deliberate as we recommit ourselves to each other and the challenges of the next four years. We will see what the horizon brings because we won't be standing still.
My plan is to study as I can in order to prepare for reentry. I begin in 5 and a half months. There is much to learn, and I will do my best to make it my own. Thank you to everyone for being there, for your teaching and support, and for this amazing chance to be a doctor. It's time to take a deep breath and start making a difference for my patients - and anyone else that I might meet along the way.
I had a terrific view as I guided the foil down to an LZ, flared nicely and seem to have landed back on campus. Nothing broken. Just need to get ready to get back in another plane. Same pilots, new team. Will be good to get to know them over the next few months. So far they seem like great people.
The last four months have been busy. Hillary finished her program with flying colors (4.0 GPA) and accepted a position as a K-12 principal in an idyllic town in the heartland of America near her two boys. All in all, it couldn't have turned out much better. We have said many prayers of thanks along the way.
We seem to be getting along better than we have in quite awhile and have established some new rules of living that will hopefully keep us more positive and constructive, more focused and deliberate as we recommit ourselves to each other and the challenges of the next four years. We will see what the horizon brings because we won't be standing still.
My plan is to study as I can in order to prepare for reentry. I begin in 5 and a half months. There is much to learn, and I will do my best to make it my own. Thank you to everyone for being there, for your teaching and support, and for this amazing chance to be a doctor. It's time to take a deep breath and start making a difference for my patients - and anyone else that I might meet along the way.
Friday, April 9, 2010
B+
Yesterday, I sent out a letter to friends and family updating them on the break from med school. The process itself and the kind, supportive feedback I received compelled me to consider the positive effects of the decision to take a break. So... in an effort to retain honesty and transparency in this exercise, I have made some notes and added them here.
1. Better, continued relationship with Hillary – At some point in the journey we have to realize that our lives are almost always a “we” and rarely an “I”. Every choice we make is always our own, and we are solely responsible for all of them, but they almost always effect the people around us. Indeed, we do all live together and are waves washing over one another every day. Even decisions that seem insignificant are usually not. Think: ‘habit’ or the effect of wind and water on the landscape. We unfailingly become what we choose... Too, people that we appear to be insulated from are usually closer than we are perceiving. Think: ‘degrees of separation’. - Choosing relationship allows us to confront the most important challenges of life and to put the “why” of life into perspective. It also provides the greatest joy and most profound satisfaction. Do forgive my selfishness.
2. Finish Hillary’s program – This, of course, is a critical priority. My job is to see her through to the end of it. Only when she has successfully done so will that piece will be over. Time being the limited resource it is, this experience is what we can share right now. It will be a win for us both.
3. Chance to study ahead – For an old guy with less capacity and slowing, rusty neurons, this is a very useful thing. Nice to be able to choose the pace, as well.
4. Rest and relaxation – See “old guy” above. I was getting pretty tired.
5. Work on the book – I have pulled the book out and looked at it. As a project, it seems like too much of an uphill climb right now, but as I write here, I am effectively adding to it. It’ll be good enough if I never get to it again, but the opportunity exists now to chew on it if desired.
6. Chance to exercise and improve my health – Again, see “old guy” above. Metabolic milestones are inevitable. Working out again feels wonderful. - If someone tells you that you can be ‘balanced’ in med school, don’t believe them. Your physical health is one of the first things to receive short shrift. You know how important it is, but you end up sacrificing one thing for another. The pressure is on to perform, and youth provides an advantage.
7. Specialty focus – This has actually been a true, unexpected windfall. I had been thinking I would head toward anesthesia, but had also had the thought of a rural practice in mind. In examining myself sans school clutter, I am seriously considering the rural option. There are many pluses, and it feels like a much better fit for me. Suits my personality, temperament and lifestyle. This will give me a chance to research it more and then try it on when I return.
8. Opportunity for centering – We all have a reason for being, and this has given me a chance to stop and listen to the still, small voice that reminds me why I am here. If you don’t have a reason for being, I think you should stop what you are doing and get one… just my opinion.
9. Maintenance – have had a chance to tend to some needed repairs that had fallen by the wayside. Reminds me of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Those points still hold true. Life has sides. We choose how to approach them and embrace them. Life is what we make it. Thanks, Robert.
1. Better, continued relationship with Hillary – At some point in the journey we have to realize that our lives are almost always a “we” and rarely an “I”. Every choice we make is always our own, and we are solely responsible for all of them, but they almost always effect the people around us. Indeed, we do all live together and are waves washing over one another every day. Even decisions that seem insignificant are usually not. Think: ‘habit’ or the effect of wind and water on the landscape. We unfailingly become what we choose... Too, people that we appear to be insulated from are usually closer than we are perceiving. Think: ‘degrees of separation’. - Choosing relationship allows us to confront the most important challenges of life and to put the “why” of life into perspective. It also provides the greatest joy and most profound satisfaction. Do forgive my selfishness.
2. Finish Hillary’s program – This, of course, is a critical priority. My job is to see her through to the end of it. Only when she has successfully done so will that piece will be over. Time being the limited resource it is, this experience is what we can share right now. It will be a win for us both.
3. Chance to study ahead – For an old guy with less capacity and slowing, rusty neurons, this is a very useful thing. Nice to be able to choose the pace, as well.
4. Rest and relaxation – See “old guy” above. I was getting pretty tired.
5. Work on the book – I have pulled the book out and looked at it. As a project, it seems like too much of an uphill climb right now, but as I write here, I am effectively adding to it. It’ll be good enough if I never get to it again, but the opportunity exists now to chew on it if desired.
6. Chance to exercise and improve my health – Again, see “old guy” above. Metabolic milestones are inevitable. Working out again feels wonderful. - If someone tells you that you can be ‘balanced’ in med school, don’t believe them. Your physical health is one of the first things to receive short shrift. You know how important it is, but you end up sacrificing one thing for another. The pressure is on to perform, and youth provides an advantage.
7. Specialty focus – This has actually been a true, unexpected windfall. I had been thinking I would head toward anesthesia, but had also had the thought of a rural practice in mind. In examining myself sans school clutter, I am seriously considering the rural option. There are many pluses, and it feels like a much better fit for me. Suits my personality, temperament and lifestyle. This will give me a chance to research it more and then try it on when I return.
8. Opportunity for centering – We all have a reason for being, and this has given me a chance to stop and listen to the still, small voice that reminds me why I am here. If you don’t have a reason for being, I think you should stop what you are doing and get one… just my opinion.
9. Maintenance – have had a chance to tend to some needed repairs that had fallen by the wayside. Reminds me of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Those points still hold true. Life has sides. We choose how to approach them and embrace them. Life is what we make it. Thanks, Robert.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Taking Leave
In case there are folks actually reading this, I am taking a one year leave of absence from school. My plan is to help Hillary with her new schoolwork and make a real effort at our marriage and relationship. The distance apart and challenge of two difficult programs were more than seemed manageable at one time. We will get her program finished this summer and then see if we can’t improve ourselves as a couple moving forward.
I rested and became human again for the first month and dove in on some important tasks that were pending for Hillary. Now that things are on firmer footing, I will study when I can and possibly work on an old book I had started. This break has already given me a chance to realign my priorities and think hard about where God wants me. School has been both joyful and disappointing. At some point I may elaborate as to why.
I will likely write here over the next year. Hopefully, it will lend an extra-interesting perspective to an already odd student profile like mine. I begin school again next February. Hope this finds you in good spirits and in good health.
I rested and became human again for the first month and dove in on some important tasks that were pending for Hillary. Now that things are on firmer footing, I will study when I can and possibly work on an old book I had started. This break has already given me a chance to realign my priorities and think hard about where God wants me. School has been both joyful and disappointing. At some point I may elaborate as to why.
I will likely write here over the next year. Hopefully, it will lend an extra-interesting perspective to an already odd student profile like mine. I begin school again next February. Hope this finds you in good spirits and in good health.
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