Distraction

Have been sick the last week and a half.  One of the bad ones where you really can't get much done and there are a few days where you really don't function well at all.  Kept running into things, and words were turned around.  Hopefully, I didn't hurt anyone's feelings by saying something inappropriately.  Some days I wonder if this old immune system is cut out for this kind of work.... - My days have been marked by the pills I am taking.  Decided I had better write down the times I was taking them because I would be convinced I had taken one, and the paper said I had not.  I would count the pills in the bottle, and the paper was consistently correct.  Am starting to feel normal again today. 

Good thing, too, because I have to take a make-up final tomorrow.  Was unable to take it on Friday.  Was able to study some yesterday and will do my best today to go over the material.  Will be all of the material since school started.  Close to 1500 pages worth of syllabus.  How will I go over it in one day?  Who knows.  Why am I writing here instead of studying?  Distraction.  Avoidance.  It's something real I can share.  Lots of reasons, I suppose.  Will do what I can.

Have been lacking motivation lately.  Maybe just the illness.  Seems to have been going on for awhile, though.  Seems to be related to a sense of isolation here.  Am just very different from my classmates and never feel connected to the process here.  Never feel truly accepted.  Only nominally.  I know it's not their fault.  How can you connect with something you can't have possibly experienced?  Being the oldest out of 500 people isn't an easy thing to be.  Being the only anything is hard, I would guess.  I have always wanted to do something for orphans.  Maybe this will help me understand better how they feel.  Maybe.  Even the silver lining isn't very shiny today.  I have other things to write, but will not.  Back to the syllabus.